1. Let's start off with something original, but creepy.
2. Then Brandon, bringing the creepy even harder.
3. Here is something creepy buried in a nice long wall of text that somehow makes it much worse.
4. Wrapping the creepy in riddles doesn't help either.
5. Ned needs to work on his negging. This isn't negging. This is just an insult.
6. Dude.
7. Directness is the order of the day.
8. Just jump right in there.
9. Really direct, really fast, and adding some gross-out.
10. But damn, this really is not effective.
11. Not sure why this is important information to share.
12. Fucking Derek.
13. Of course, occasionally the opportunity for a response makes the message worthwhile.
14. Boom.
15. Persistence is not actually a good thing.
16. Seriously, Clayton, what the fuck?
17. Third time is not the charm.
18. Geography – it can be a turn-on.
19. But WHATA WRONG WITH HIS PENIS?
20. This just not something that needs to be said. Ever.
21. Oh, AutoCorrect!
22. Yeah, no, stop.
23. And this is just terrifying.
24. This is, shockingly, not a sexy message.
25. Neither is this.
26. This is just straight-up confusing.
27. In fairness, at least he's aware that he's bad at Tinder.
