1. You're super OCD about kitchen organization.
2. You always have a sharpie on you.
3. You hate going out to dinner with non-cook friends who think they know everything about food.
4. You relate to this:
5. You eat and drink out of quart containers, even if there are plates and cups available.
6. You know the difference between a chef's knife, a boning knife, a filet knife, a petty knife, and a paring knife.
7. You can dice an onion in under 20 seconds.
8. You know how to kill time without the internet.
9. When you eat at a really great restaurant, you are so in awe because you know how much work went into it.
10. And when you go to a bad restaurant, you are insanely critical.
11. To you, a "family meal" has nothing to do with parents and siblings.
12. You're good at cooking food AND playing with it.
13. You'll never stop thinking it's funny to draw penises on things.
14. You cook with SO. MUCH. BUTTER.
15. You are completely anti-brunch.
16. You know the magic that is supercharged restaurant equipment.
From left: VitaPrep 3, $600; Paco Jet C1600, $3,900; Robot Coupe, $765.
From left: Commercial Meat Grinder, $799; Manual Deli Slicer, $479; 20-Qt Hobart Stand-Mixer, $5,033.
17. And so this really pisses you off.
18. Your favorite kind of shopping doesn't involve long lines or gross changing rooms.
19. You know how to make it through a 14-hour shift without a single break.
20. You set off the smoke alarm every time you cook at home.
21. You will always be shocked, skeptical, and a little bit paranoid when you receive a compliment from your boss.
22. You're used to working on birthdays and holidays.
23. When someone is in your way, you scream, "BEHIND YOU" and expect them to move immediately.
24. You use phone alarms for everything.
25. You get annoyed by TV characters who are supposedly chefs.
26. When you're cooking with friends and they start cutting vegetables with dull knives, you die a little inside.
27. The sound of a printer triggers PTSD.
28. You have (or you've seriously considered) a chef's knife or whisk tattoo.
29. Your life will always revolve around food and cooking, and you don't understand how anyone could feel otherwise.
