Guys Answer The Hard Questions Women Have About Boners

Brett: I think that depends if it's SUPER hard... AND it depends on the pants. The jeans tuck can hurt, but the sweatpants or shorts tuck, not so much.

Nick: It does. It's just super awkward if you do it and forget to wear a shirt though.

Rob: It can, depends how hard it is and what you’re tucking it into.

Brett: I definitely think that there are there stages. 1) Flaccid 2) Slightly hard 3) SUPER hard. Not a ton of in-between in my experience.

Nick: Ditto Brett.

Rob: I guess it depends how hard you are. I’d say there’s like 90%, 100% and 110% for those really special moments.

Brett: Everything is pretty toughened up. You can hit that thing around a bit. But the tip is!

Nick: It's probably the same.

Rob: No? But also yes if in the right places.

Brett: I mean... I think so? Kind of? The general direction is up. I'd say Stage 1: Down. Stage 2: Out. Stage 3: Up.

Nick: Yep.

Rob: Yes.

Brett: Oh, of course. I mean especially in high school. Although jeans are a blessing in boner hiding. Ever since I've worn my jeans my boner self-consciousness has nose dived.

Nick: If I'm not wearing jeans then yes.

Rob: Only if you have one while on the move. AKA "The Traveller."

Brett: Nope. I really don't think so. Maybe on a really rare occasion... like right now.

Nick: I’m not against talking about my boner to bros, it's just weird talking to them while having a boner.

Rob: My boner. Your boner. Other people’s boners. It’s all up for discussion.

Brett: I mean, I've tried hitting the thing around a bit like a frustrated child, but that never works. I think all you can really do is ride it out. That wasn't an innuendo, I swear.

Nick: Having an absolute ripper of a wank.

Rob: Why would you want to?

Brett: I'd say Stage 2: Kinda Hard. I mean stage 3 is great if it's ~in use~ but otherwise, it's just a pain. At least when you're slightly hard you're capable of daily tasks: Peeing, putting on pants, being in public, etc.

Nick: Any boner. I'm just happy that my dick works.

Rob: They all have a special place in my heart, but if I had to choose I’d say somewhere between a bit hard and super hard.

Brett: THE SUPER HARD ONE. That thing is a wild untameable beast.

Nick: Just before a speech... or at church.

Rob: The traveller.

Brett: This doesn't happen for me that often TBH. You need a little recovery time. But hey, sometimes the lil' guy surprises you.

Nick: Give it a couple of minutes. It won't be as triumphant, but the when is the sequel ever as good?

Rob: Like your favourite band’s comeback tour: It might return but it won’t be the same.

Brett: Absolutely not. I wish. In a perfect world.

Nick: I get like seven boners a day, so no, that would be impossible.

Rob: No one has that much time.

Brett: "Hard-on" is the usual go-to. "Boner" is pretty classic. "Popping a chub" has always been funny to me. Same with "willy."

Nick: A “stiffy” is what I called it as a kid.

Rob: Just a boner.

Brett: Oh, definitely WITH boner -- we're giving ourselves as much length as we possibly can. I've even jammed the ruler into my waist a bit. Not that I've measured or anything... that'd be weird.

Nick: Definitely with a boner. I need all the length I can get.

Rob: With. Always go for the higher number.

Brett: Oh my god, let's hope to never find out. I know there's no ~actual~ bone in there, but I'm pretty sure it can still break.

Nick: JESUS FUCK, THAT WOULD SUCK!

Rob: You can, but I think I’m basing that on an episode of The Drew Carey Show I saw once.

Brett: Are you missing the balls entirely with said kick? I hope. I'd probably say it'd be more painful with a boner since there's some resistance.

Nick: Everything hurts when it's a dick kick.

Rob: I’ll take neither, please.

Brett: I used to have these really cheap boxers that were really tightly knitted that would hurt when I had a super hard boner, but that's not really the fabric's fault.

Nick: I don’t think I’ve ever tested this. How are you guys coming up with these questions?

Rob: Only the fabric of time.

Brett: Hard, I think. It smoothens out a bit. When it's not hard it kinda looks like it's wearing a wrinkly turtleneck.

Nick: Hard for sure. A flaccid uncircumcised dick just looks like a sad kid wearing a weird beanie.

Rob: Hard I guess. But they’re all beautiful in their own way.

Brett: Unless you're asleep, I'm pretty sure you're ALWAYS aware when you have a boner.

Nick: I’m always wearing jeans, so no. I feel the pain.

Rob: How would I know?

Brett: I think if you already have it, it doesn't necessarily go away. But it certainly prevents it from going anywhere if it's flaccid. It caves into itself like a shy turtle.

Nick: Cold water is my penis’s worst nightmare. It’s just adding insult to injury.

Rob: Again, why would anyone try this?