11 Things You Will Have To Talk About When You Move To L.A.

Unless a certain team is winning, you really don't care about sports (this is a common thing for EVERYTHING in L.A., everyone just has a general sense of blasé).

Let's be real, this isn't Philly or Boston — no one lives or dies by the Dodgers or Kings. When they're winning, then yeah, talk about them! They're ~trendy~ and ~hip~. Otherwise, sports teams in L.A. are like potholes: You'd rather just pretend they're not there.

People in New York love to crap in L.A. — "I would never live there, there's too much traffic and I would miss the seasons," — but people out here just don't really feel the same way. That's because we're too busy working on our tans and enjoying In-N-Out to care what other cities think about us. Stay pressed, New York!

Here's the deal: Most people who live in L.A. aren't originally from L.A.! They're outsiders, from all over the country...actually, the WORLD. It's like one big salad bowl here (but with the dressing on the side, because we're watching our figure — this IS L.A. after all!)

If you're not from L.A., it takes a certain amount of craziness to move here! You deserve a pat on the back for that, and people love talking about where they're from, how long they've been here, whatever. It's sort of like trading war stories.

If you are from the area, then brownie points for you, and you get to smugly welcome everyone who has moved here to join you on the Dark Side.

Everyone else in the country gets to complain about snow, rain, tornadoes, and other crazy weather shit that we just don't have in L.A.! The closest thing we get to talk about is earthquakes. People in town LOVE talking about earthquakes because they're a quintessential L.A. experience, sort of like seeing Angelyne driving her pink Corvette. Did you feel the one last night? Were you close to the epicenter? HOW READY ARE YOU FOR THE BIG ONE?!?! All of these are valid talking points!

I mean, L.A. is notorious for its traffic, and sadly the stereotype is true. But traffic actually can work in your favor at least conversationally, as it's more than just any old talking point.

For one, it's like a badge of honor. Oh, you drove all the way to Marina Del Rey from Los Feliz to have dinner with a friend? You deserve a gold medal! Actually, IDK how anyone from Los Feliz would be friends with someone from Marina Del Rey, but whatever.

SECOND, traffic is a built in excuse for everything. Don't feel like going out on a Friday? Blame the traffic. Late to work? Blame the traffic. Want to break up with someone? You can probably blame the traffic!

The Valley is sort of like crunchy peanut butter: EVERYONE has a strong opinion about it. It's too hot. It's too far away. But rent is cheaper! They film porn there? A lot of people work there! IDK!!! You're not allowed to NOT have an opinion on the Valley, and it's a great conversation starter.

When we're not stuck in traffic, we L.A. kids are probably working out at the gym, outside, at the pool, WHEREVER. It's an image-conscious town. I mean, why do you think $6 juices and kale are so popular? It's certainly not for the taste! People love to look good in L.A., and how you maintain your ~figure~ is a badge of pride you show off at any opportunity.

After all, how good is that ass-busting fitness class where you squeezed out a gallon of sweat if you can't talk about it at dinner with friends?

Here's the thing: Everyone in L.A. likes to play it casual with celebs, but we sure as hell NOTICE when we spot one. We'd never ask for a picture, or even really try to bother them, but we know they're there!

You're therefore still allowed to talk about them with friends in conversation, so long as you keep it really cool and casual. I mean, would someone in New York get excited about seeing a pigeon or a pile of trash? Act nonchalant — remember, people in L.A. really don't care about anything. Refer to them by their first names. For instance, "I totally saw Sandra at Trader Joe's yesterday" is an acceptable celebrity story.

JUST. KEEP. IT. COOL.

When I first moved here, I thought it was crazy that my aunt would wear a parka in the morning when she walked her dog. After several months, I GOT it. 50 degrees is COLD when you're used to mid-70s and sunshine! Face it, we're spoiled with amazing weather in the City of Angels, especially compared to the rest of the country. It feels especially privileged to complain about any temperatures below 65 degrees but hey...SOMEONE HAS TO DO IT.

When you talk about the weather with other people in L.A., there's a sort of an unspoken acknowledgement/inside joke that you know you have it way too good. If you're complaining about it, you aren't really complaining about it. And if you're praising the weather, well, aren't we just so lucky to be here!

OK, granted, one of the best parts about living somewhere with incredible weather is that you never feel bad about staying in during the weekend — it's ALWAYS this nice outside.

That being said, it's still ~cool~ to make the most of your time. So whether you went hiking, hit Malibu Wines, or went to a new trendy brunch spot, you better be talking mad game about awesome your weekend was! In reality, you get off your couch and do these things not to have a good time, but so you can humblebrag about them later — and of course, have an #iconic Instagram to match.

Screenplay, book, acting gig, it doesn't matter — L.A. is sort of like Professor Trelawney in that it's the future that matters, not the present!

This is Hollywood after all, and you're only as good as what you have in the pipeline. Most of it might be B.S., but who cares. Just like giving traffic tips, it's a way of casually dropping hints that you're mastering the art of living in L.A., and challenging others to say they feel the same way!

Earthquakes, traffic, and bad parking? Yeah, you get to complain about those. Surviving L.A. is the ULTIMATE humblebrag — it means you've hustled without breaking a sweat; looked your best while struggling to make it BIG.

But really at the end of the day, who cares when you have sunshine year round AND In-N-Out. You have think big in L.A., so congrats — you're one of the dreamers!