3 People Were Quizzed On How Much They Know About Current Pop Hits

    And it did not go very well. But does anyone ever really know what Mumford & Sons are singing about?

    by Matthew Perpetua, Joanna Borns, Chelsea Marshall, Jean-Luc Bouchard

    All of the songs in this post were on the American iTunes store's top 100 tracks chart at the time of this interview.

    1. Maroon 5, "Sugar"

    Try to fill in the blank.

    Joanna: "They've washed their hands."

    Chelsea: "It really itches."

    Jean-Luc: "Unless they need it, like, sexually."

    Chelsea: "Unless they are a gloved medical professional."

    Jean-Luc: "Unless the sugar is a metaphor."

    Joanna: Is this about an unsanitary bakery? Health grade B at best, probably C.

    Chelsea: Health grade pending for sure.

    2. Ed Sheeran, "Thinking Out Loud"

    What do you think of this?

    Joanna: Ew. I feel like this comes from someone who doesn't really know what love is and thinks it's food.

    Chelsea: I find it super fucked up that he won't love her after she turns 70. Like, what?

    Joanna: OMG, really?

    Here's that part: "And darling I will be loving you till we're 70 / and baby, my heart could still fall as hard at 23 / and I'm thinking about how"

    Jean-Luc: "But at 71, your broke ass is out."

    Joanna: That's when they both drink poison.

    Actual comment on this song's Genius page: "My favorite but I am 68 and hope that love will still be exciting at 80 not just 70" - Carolyn

    Joanna: I'm with Carolyn on this one.

    Jean-Luc: Carolyn, ya got two years left. Cherish them and hoard food.

    3. Flo Rida, "GDFR"

    What is Flo Rida talking about here?

    Joanna: This sounds dangerous!!!!

    Chelsea: DID HE FUCKING HIDE A COBRA IN A BIRTHDAY CAKE???

    Joanna: I feel like you've destroyed a perfectly good cake when you get a snake involved.

    Chelsea: Like, I get you don't like sharing a birthday, Flo Rida, but you gotta calm down a little.

    Joanna: Dear Flo Rida, please don't come to my birthday party.

    4. Cole Swindell, "Ain't Worth the Whiskey"

    Fill in the blank.

    Chelsea: "Go home, watch Netflix, and cuddle up with my cat."

    Jean-Luc: "Pick up the kids OH GOD THE KIDS I FORGOT!"

    Joanna: "Send an email to my lost buddy because I really do miss him."

    The rest of the chorus is "Or I might close this place down / but don't think for a second I'm out to drown your memory / baby, you ain't worth the whiskey"

    Joanna: Harsh. That guy's got some baggage.

    Chelsea: I would understand this more if he were pouring out the whiskey, but if he's drinking it, no one loses.

    A bit later in the song: "And, yeah, I'm raising my glass to those savin' our ass overseas / I might stay for one more round"

    Jean-Luc: He's a true hero. Really doing his part by getting blackout.

    5. T-Wayne, "Nasty Freestyle"

    What is T-Wayne talking about?

    Chelsea: I think he's that guy who was interviewed about dating a horse.

    Jean-Luc: And the "her" is, I'm guessing, his lawyer.

    Chelsea: And he needs horse booties on all of his women, including his lawyer.

    Jean-Luc: Because of the old saying, "A lawyer with a horse ass is worth three in the courtroom."

    According to the annotation on Genius, "He wants her ass to resemble a horse's ass just like how big it is."

    Jean-Luc: Relative to the mass of a horse, they really aren't that large.

    Joanna: Maybe he needs to get with a horse. This seems like a lot of extra trouble. If you know what you want, just go for it.

    6. Mumford & Sons, "The Wolf"

    What are the Mumfords trying to say here?

    Joanna: I'm sorry, "heartling"??????

    Chelsea: I think this is about the deer this man hit with his car.

    Jean-Luc: Pretty obvious lyric about a man in love with a robot.

    Joanna: I can't get past "heartling." I find that offensive.

    What do you think a heartling is?

    Joanna: A frightened little bird, I guess. Like he caught a bird out of the air and now that bird is justifiably terrified for its life. I'm not sure if Mumford or his son caught the bird, but whatever.

    7. Fetty Wap, "Trap Queen"

    What's your interpretation of this?

    Jean-Luc: I feel bad for any dude who had to settle for marrying an inanimate object. Shit's cold.

    Joanna: Is this about cooking? Does Fetty Wap teach a cooking class?

    Jean-Luc: He makes delicious Fetty Wraps, and Feta Waps.

    Via baseshare.com

    Here's a picture of Fetty.

    Jean-Luc: Wedding day love.

    Joanna: That is sweet, the love he's showing for his money. Most of us don't know love like that.

    8. Kenny Chesney feat. Grace Potter, "Wild Child"

    Fill in the blanks.

    Joanna: "She's trapped in a dungeon."

    Chelsea: "She's a flower in a field."

    Jean-Luc: "She's loving in a love."

    Chelsea: "She's giving birth in a field."

    It's actually "She's Penny Lane in a Chevy van."

    Chelsea: Why is she in a Chevy van? Did she consent to that? It's a van and that sounds like she got kidnapped.

    Earlier in the song: "She's a calico pony on an open plain."

    Chelsea: Well, it sounds like she was a free pony and then he trapped her.

    More lyrics: "She's a wild child / got a rebel soul / with a whole lot of gypsy wild style / she can't be tied down but for a while."

    Jean-Luc: My life isn't this complicated.

    Chelsea: OMG. This is about being kidnapped.

    Joanna: That sounds like animal abuse. You don't just put a pony in a passenger van.

    This is how the song ends: "A kaleidoscope of colors in her mind child /
    a touch of crazy hides behind her wild smile / so simple yet experimental /
    innocent but still a little wild child"

    Joanna: This is definitely still talking about a pony because this would be an offensive way to describe a human woman.

    9. Natalie La Rose feat. Jeremih, "Somebody"

    What's your impression of the characters in this song?

    Jean-Luc: A person with amnesia tries to remember who she came into the bar with.

    Joanna: Sounds like two people crying out to the universe, dying just to be noticed, to be heard, to matter.

    Chelsea: Wait, I thought you were giving us a Whitney Houston song.

    They are definitely ripping off the melody of "I Wanna Dance with Somebody." Whitney never sang about shots, unfortunately.

    Joanna: Wasn't "The Greatest Shot Of All" about shots?

    Chelsea: I always assumed that.

    10. Ellie Goulding, "Love Me Like You Do"

    What is Ellie Goulding singing about?

    Jean-Luc: Some poor narcoleptic just trying to watch Monty Python.

    Joanna: I feel like skin is not that hard to find? Like maybe she's doing something wrong if it's a challenge to find her intercourse partner's skin?

    Chelsea: She's going blind and he left her on the beach and she can't find him anywhere. Which is pretty rude.

    This song is from Fifty Shades of Grey, btw.

    Jean-Luc: So I was right about the narcolepsy?

    Joanna: Is it played during the scene where one of them dies?

    11. Hozier, "Take Me to Church"

    I'm sure you've all heard this a million times, but what is this song about?

    Chelsea: He wants to eat a horse?

    Jean-Luc: OK, so who in the music scene isn't fucking or eating a horse?

    Chelsea: Or entrapping one. There's a lot of fucked up horse stuff going on.

    Joanna: I feel like this is what you babble when you've had a salad for lunch and you end up being so hungry that you've stopped making sense.

    Jean-Luc: I think this song is about religion. He's starving for the Lord and has faith that He will appear as a tasty snack.

    Chelsea: This sounds like something people pray when they sit down to eat at Outback Steakhouse.

    12. Little Big Town, "Girl Crush"

    Fill in the blank.

    Jean-Luc: "Pancreas."

    Joanna: "To lift that restraining order."

    Chelsea: "Sweet, sweet flair."

    Chelsea is kinda close? It's "her magic touch."

    Jean-Luc: Is that a wrestling move?

    13. Drake's verse on Nicki Minaj's "Truffle Butter"

    What is Drake talking about?

    Joanna: This sounds 100% illegal. I think step-siblings should steer clear of Drake.

    Chelsea: Is this about Cinderella?

    Jean-Luc: It's about a French chef with a super specific family-style fetish.

    Joanna: Also, is he talking to truffle butter? Like, he's asking the butter for tips on how to cook the filets?

    14. Walk the Moon, "Shut Up and Dance"

    OK, one more fill-in-the-blank.

    Jean-Luc: "Finish your asparagus it's extremely good for you."

    Joanna: "Stop talking."

    Chelsea: "Die."

    It's actually "dance."

    Chelsea: I was gonna guess drive. 'Cause women can't drive, ya know?

    I think that's a Rihanna song. And a Beatles song.

    Joanna: "Baby you can drive my car and shut up" - The Beatles