1. Some twat will lean on the pole in the middle, and you'll want to do something, and you won't.
2. You'll perfect the glare given to tourists who stand on the left.
3. In the summer, you'll sometimes take a much longer route just to take the overground, 'cause it has air con.
4. There will be someone wearing sunglasses on the tube, and you will feel sad.
5. You'll never be able to understand how some people can be legitimately stylish while commuting.
6. You’ll develop an autopilot that navigates you straight through familiar stations.
7. Such as when you change office and have to fight the urge to get off two stops early. Or you move house on to a different line and keep taking the wrong turn in stations for the next three months.
8. You'll see a dog on the tube, and have to avoid freaking out for the entire journey.
9. You'll pass through a real train station, and suddenly question why they're the only places you can find pasty shops in London.
10. You'll start walking up the left-hand side of the escalator, but discover it was much further than you thought, and seriously regret it.
11. You’ll think you’ve figured out how to always get the exit you want at Oxford Circus.
12. So you’ll conclude that Oxford Circus contains parallel dimensions, and only some of them can exist at the same time.
13. You're also pretty certain that King’s Cross is just a giant science experiment.
14. You’ll become intensely jealous of anyone whose commute involves driving the DLR every day.
15. You’ll hear an announcement about card clash, another announcement about card clash, and then yet another announcement about card clash.
16. Then you'll experience card clash.
17. And feel a sense of vague nostalgia for the days when Oyster cards were new and magical, before contactless bank cards sucked the joy out of life.
Oh, those heady days of 2003.
18. You'll see people taking the last train and being seconds from passing out for the entire journey.
19. Because sometimes, you will fall asleep and go to the end of the line. And then fall asleep again on the way back.
20. You'll try to get on Wi-Fi when the train goes through a station, access it right as the train starts moving, and not get anything you want downloaded in time.
And then do the same thing again at the next station.
21. You'll run for a train, make the doors, then realise it wasn't going for a few minutes and have to stand there awkwardly.
22. You'll run for a train, not make the doors, and be convinced everyone inside is laughing at you.
23. Because you've also seen someone run, and not make it, and laughed at them from inside the train.
