1.
INTERVIEWER: please stop calling me a coward ME: hire me INTERVIEWER: no. ME: ur a coward.
2.
You've seen nothing until you've seen a picture of a pigeon having a job interview to become a pigeon:
3.
Congratulations! Your interview was so disastrous that we've decided to employ you sarcastically
4.
[job int] "Under skills u put 'not being afraid of pigeons'." [nervously shifts in chair] "That's right. Why? Do any pigeons work here?"
5.
*calls office back after setting up job interview* did you say at noon or on the moon?
6.
[at interview] "ok 1st question you're on a submarine you find a dog, what do you call him" umm "..." subwoofer? "welcome to the navy seals"
7.
‘I murder drifters and use their hair to make little dolls. Oh, you meant at work! My biggest weakness is that I’m a perfectionist.’
8.
I hate when the other guy goes for a handshake and I go for an open-mouth kiss and oh great now I probably didn't get this job
9.
[Job interview] "So you want to be a backing rapper?" Uh-huh. Yeah. "That was great! The job's all yours."
10.
[At job interview] Interviewer: So tell me why you want this job. Me: I have no money and I prefer when I have money.
11.
[interview for CIA] Your résumé says you're a master in hand-to-hand wombat. Is that a typo or- *I've already thrown a wombat at his face*
12.
Job interview HR: What's your best asset? Me: I have an excellent memory. HR: Give me an example. Me: Of what?
13.
[job interview] "You wrote here your biggest weakness is not knowing what irony means." "Ironic isn't it? Is it? I don't know."
14.
Interviewer: 'So where do you see yourself in 5 years time?' Me: 'My biggest weakness? Probably not listening properly.'
15.
"What's your greatest strength?" Shadow puppetry "Seriously?" [interviewer presses intercom button] "Pat, please bring a flashlight in here"
16.
To be honest you were our third choice for this poisoner job but the other two got poiso... oh that was you, nice
17.
[school teacher job interview] Can I ask you some questions? I don't know CAN you? haha impressive [stands] welcome aboard!
18.
DOG: I think that job interview went well! *looks in mirror and sees ear was inside-out the whole time* Son of a
19.
When in doubt, ask yourself WWBD: What Would Beyoncé Do? Would she apply for a job? Nope. She'd just show up one day like "I work here now."
20.
"it says on ur resume that ur good at saying unexpected things?" yes i am. … "but i thougt u were gona say something unexp-- oh wow ur good"
21.
other job applicant: good luck me: im gonna tell the boss you hate his hair other job applicant: what me loudly: I actually like his haircut
22.
"What would be your main strength?" Well, I can communicate with animals... "Wow, impressive. Any weaknesses?" They can't understand me.