Weddings·Posted on Feb 9, 201631 People Who Are Really Nailing This Whole Marriage Thing"I'm at the level of marriage where 'getting lucky tonight' just means we're having tacos for dinner."by Shannon RosenbergBuzzFeed StaffLinkFacebookPinterestTwitterMail 1. X Alqee @Xalqee At least 10% of divorces can be avoided by buying bigger blankets 03:35 PM - 09 Jul 2012 Reply Retweet Favorite 2. Rodney Lacroix @moooooog35 Wife [walking into house]: Ummm.. Me: [recreating "You Better Shape Up Scene" from Grease with my dog dressed as Sandy]: You're home early. 03:03 PM - 23 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 3. Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn [out in public] Me: A kid is crying. Wife: It's not one of ours. [we fist bump] 03:48 PM - 13 Dec 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 4. Troy Johnson @_troyjohnson Marriage is mostly about knowing which hand towels you can use and which ones are for the better people who visit your wife's home. 09:45 PM - 28 May 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 5. Amy Dillon @amydillon I wonder if Beyoncé gets this annoyed when Jay Z opens a new box of Breathe Right strips before the current one is empty. 04:24 AM - 18 Nov 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 6. Valerie @ValeeGrrl Husband got excited thinking I was touching myself under the covers but I was actually just opening a Kit Kat I didn't wanna share. 04:28 AM - 30 Dec 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 7. Mommy Honesty @momesty We're assembling a crib from Ikea... Which option on their toll free number gets you a marriage counselor? 09:33 PM - 11 Mar 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 8. Mike McNeil @MikeMcNeil_ Well, well, well. If it isn't that thing I told my wife I already did. 06:14 PM - 01 Mar 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 9. The Fantastic Mr.Fox @Camel_Crushin Marriage is basically just eating together and watching HGTV until you die. 10:23 PM - 19 Feb 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 10. Sparky ️ @crunchenhanced I've been married for about 45 lbs. 06:46 PM - 25 Mar 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 11. mark @TheCatWhisprer I'm at the level of marriage where "getting lucky tonight" just means we're having tacos for dinner. 11:17 PM - 27 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 12. Simon Holland @simoncholland [sitting at a table] Wife: writes number on paper and slides it across. Me: crosses out and writes new number *thermostat negotiations* 03:21 PM - 12 May 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 13. Stella G. Maddox @StellaGMaddox My husband is on the roof - only a few inches away from an insurance claim that could completely change my life. 09:00 PM - 02 Nov 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 14. Lance Burson @lanceburson Wife: Make the hotel reservation for date night. Me: Hey, Hilton. Can you charge my card for a place my wife & I can go to sleep in at 9pm. 01:27 PM - 29 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 15. Tired Working Mom @WorkingMom86 Hey baby it's Friday night, why don't you get into something more comfortable that you can wear all weekend because we have no laundry left. 01:17 AM - 30 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 16. Amber @Amburglar_ Marriage is basically peeing with the door open and not caring. 03:51 AM - 16 Oct 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 17. Mommy Cusses @mommy_cusses Me on deathbed: One last thing before I die? Husband: *in tears* Yes? M: Change the toilet paper roll H: *pulls out my breathing tubes* 09:28 PM - 22 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 18. Walking Outside @WalkingOutside My husband's so smart. He's prepared for the Apocalypse by leaving pants puddled on the family room floor so he can make a quick exit. 04:28 PM - 27 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 19. Daniel Carrillo @DanielRCarrillo Marriage is just texting each other "Do we need anything from the grocery store?" a bunch of times until one of you dies. 05:24 PM - 15 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 20. Josh Hara @yoyoha Marriage is essentially being able to watch another person eat chicken wings without throwing up. 01:18 AM - 02 Aug 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 21. Christie Johnson @cjohnsonking5 MARRIED SEXTING: I'm not wearing any underwear...because you never put the laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 flipping times. 08:09 PM - 19 Sep 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 22. Kristen Bell @IMKristenBell I’d like to publicly thank my husband @daxshepard1 for changing half the diapers in our house. I hope he changes all of mine one day… 09:31 PM - 29 Oct 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 23. dax shepard @daxshepard1 I just googled, "how to get away with killing my husband" on @IMKristenBell phone. Just in case. Now there's a record. 08:41 PM - 11 May 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 24. Sammy Rhodes @sammyrhodes 99% of marriage is waiting in the car for your spouse. 10:37 PM - 30 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 25. OneFunnyMotha @OneFunnyMotha I think my husband cleaned the bathroom, but I can't tell. How do you tell? 02:40 PM - 25 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 26. Goats? @hazelmotes1 Wife: how did you get all that dirt under your fingernails? Me: it's brownies. 12:53 AM - 23 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 27. Andy H. @AndyAsAdjective *rolls over & taps wife's shoulder to wake her* So it was "An American Tail" & not 'Tale' because Fievel was a mouse, right? 01:14 PM - 04 Jan 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 28. Amy Dillon @amydillon When my husband goes outside to investigate a strange noise, how long do I have to wait before un-pausing the show we were watching? 04:20 AM - 30 Dec 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 29. Simon Holland @simoncholland My wife got a Fitbit for the sole purpose of proving how many times I wake her up in the middle of the night by snoring. 10:00 PM - 20 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 30. Rodney Lacroix @moooooog35 Me: I spent HALF as much as YOU usually do on groceries. Wife: Congratulations. [2 hours later] Me: We have nothing to eat in this house. 03:12 PM - 09 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 31. Kalvin @KalvinMacleod ME: There's no i in team but there is one in pizza WIFE: so you’re not going to share ME: I am not going to share 08:38 PM - 18 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite For the best of BuzzFeed, check us out on Snapchat Discover by clicking here or snapping this Snapcode below: