The 11 Different Types Of Capitol Hill Staffers

Here are some types of staffers you are just bound to run into.

Always on the phone screaming at a reporter or on a smoke break. Has a two liter of Diet Coke at desk. Always has an "urgent email" to check.

Guy who breathes, sleeps, and invests in political games. Relates every discussion to politics. Typical conversation goes:

Co-worker: “How 'bout them Capitals last night?”

His response: “How' bout the polling in Texas 4th District?”

Usually a legislative correspondent. Loves pearl necklaces, Junior League, Belvedere martinis, and discussing her sorority life.

Super socially awkward, yet in charge of social media for the member. Has no real credentials to do their job, but the member does not know a damn thing about social media, so it works out. Obsessed with member social account statistics. Currently at 36 followers on their personal Twitter account.

Office manager who freaks out about everything because they have to keep a bunch of possibly alcoholic staffers in line. Usually 50+ years old.

Or the office March Madness pool — whichever comes first.

Dad’s a big donor to the member. Staff can’t trust him with responsibility, so he’s put in the corner and given the mail job.

Staffer always looking for the next job. Been with a different member every year and new title. Always has an "urgent email" to check at the bar while wearing their staff ID.

Recently promoted from Staff Assistant, this now Junior LC thinks he has Capitol Hill down. Markups are easy to him.

Will burn every bridge to get there even though everyone knows it won't happen.

Been with the member for 20 years. Most likely from their home district. Member could not live without them.

No one is quite sure what he does or where he's from, but he only hangs around for office parties. Comes in at 7 a.m. and leaves at 3 p.m.