1. These 99s that are nowhere near 99p.
2. This rich tea that met a sorry end.
3. This pancake of a Yorkshire pudding.
4. And these absolute insults to Yorkshire.
5. This poor excuse for a packet of crisps.
6. This abomination.
7. This sad faceless Colin the Caterpillar.
8. This travesty of unmelted cheese on chips.
9. This sludge that Americans refer to as "gravy".
10. These dry, gravy-less roast dinners.
11. And this one that's served with boiled potatoes.
12. This sad mockery of a fry-up.
13. And this one served on a shovel.
14. This tragedy of a bacon sandwich.
15. This lost-in-translation plate of cheese and biscuits.
16. This sausage-less sausage roll.
17. This incredibly soggy chip.
18. This box of Quality Street, where all the good ones have been eaten.
19. This dry desk porridge being eaten with a fork.
20. These iced buns that have suffered in their short lives.
21. This sad, sad bangers and mash.
22. This truly shit pint.
23. This tea.
