1. Chow down on junk food after the kids are asleep.
2. Find the members of The Fresh Beat Band attractive.
Lookin' good, Shout.
Also, Shout after hours for all you moms out there...sorry @TommyHobson
How YOU doin', Marina?
3. Tell your own "abridged" version of a bedtime story.
4. Order your toddler food at a restaurant just so you can get a little mac 'n' cheese.
5. Check your email when playing hide and seek.
6. Let your kids watch a “double feature” because you desperately need a break.
7. "Lose" a toy.
8. Steal candy from waiting rooms to give to your kids.
9. Replace a dead fish without telling your kid.
10. Lie about your kid’s age to get free kid admission.
11. Use your kid to get out of doing something.
12. Forget the name of one of your kid’s friend’s parents.
13. Leave a dirty diaper somewhere you shouldn't.
14. Tell your kid a boldface lie.
15. Let your kids wipe their hands on your pants.
16. Talk the ear off the cable guy, mailman, or any other adult who visits your house.
17. Say something your kid wants to do is illegal.
18. Try breast milk.
19. Let some boys hang out in your daughter's room, but not others.
20. Buy knockoff toys and try to pass them off as the real thing.
21. Stalk your kids on social media for their safety… and to satisfy your curiosity about their private lives.
22. Try on your pre-kid clothes when no one is around to see if they still fit.
23. Tell your partner you let your kid win when you legitimately got beat.
24. Pass gas and blame it on your kid.
25. Lie to a babysitter about your kid's bedtime.
26. Promise your child that you'll "come back another time" when you have no intention of ever doing so.
27. Dance in front of your kid in a way you wouldn’t dance in front of any other human.
