7 “Guys” From Jane Austen Novels That You Should Never, Ever Date

“...foolish Lydia of Pride and Prejudice is a last-minute impulse of Mr Wickham, who requires to flee his debtors and thinks that he might as well bring a willing young companion along with him for distraction” --The Jane Austen Rules

This is the guy that knows how to charm a woman. Really good looking, great to be with, super-charming---just generally enjoyable all around. Sounds great, right? Yeah, that’s what everyone else thought, until they took a closer look at the skeletons in his closet. He's bad with money. He goes after underage girls. He's a backstabber. Mr. Wickham is the worst.

"Naturally, the term 'guy' was not abroad in Jane Austen's time, but we need not much concern ourselves with that. For, the condition it describes was almost as common then as it is now. Jane Austen's novels are full of guys---Yes, like John Thorpe!"--The Jane Austen Rules

Remember the last time you were at a bar and a guy came up to you and loudly announced that he had the biggest biceps in the joint and proceeded to roll up his sleeve to show you just how impressive they were? He was a John Thorpe. Loud, boastful, overbearing, and generally not that bright. He assumes you want to know all about his biceps, and will start yelling and swearing at you if you try to say otherwise. Better to just run in the other direction the second you see this one coming.

“...his failure to make it is a topic for discussion among all in the village. He is talked of as coming, but does not come; he promises to come, but does not come; he makes arrangements to come, but does not come; he is expected to come, but does not come.”--The Jane Austen Rules

Your best friend is dating this guy, and she can’t stop talking about him. He’s handsome (aren’t they all), smart, witty, caring, friendly (she blabs on and on) and you’ve heard so much but never actually met the dude. What’s up with that? Your entire group of friends gossips about him constantly and you all want to meet him but he can’t seem to get it together. When he finally does come by for the grand introduction--total letdown. He’s boring and pompous and generally not worthy of your interest.

"Isabella Thorpe...is merely the excuse for Captain Tilney's sowing his wild oats, and is abandoned without security or prospect when the Captain has moved on to someone else." --The Jane Austen Rules

The playboy. He'll seduce you and make you think you're the one, then drop you for another lady as fast as you can say "Aye, Captain." Oh by the way, he doesn't care that you're engaged because he isn't planning on marrying you, anyway. Enough said.

"It is a sad journey for Marianne...to the tragic truth that Willoughby is a scoundrel” --The Jane Austen Rules

Love ‘em and leave ‘em --that’s John Willoughby’s motto. He’ll convince you that he’s a put together guy who’s interested in poetry, music, and no one but you. In reality he is unfaithful, loves nothing but partying, and can’t keep his money in his pocket. He’ll eventually marry you and then pine after another woman for the rest of his life. Don’t you feel loved?

"...here is what Jane Austen would call a 'coxcomb,'... a 'trifling and silly fellow'; here is what we would call a guy."--The Jane Austen Rules

These are the ones that you immediately identify as "jerk." Lucy herself (Ferrars' eventual wife) calls him a "coxcomb, an arrogant and self-congratulatory lout." He's not really a nice guy, he'll make you get married in secret, he'll plot against his own brother and then laugh about it later, he'll generally make you miserable. Whatever you do, don't date a Robert Ferrars.

"Charlotte Lucas's decision to marry the odious Mr Collins, on the principle that enough of love will follow after they are married, is one to send a shudder down every woman's spine" --The Jane Austen Rules

Women should have no problem avoiding the Mr. Collinses of the world. Pompous, idiotic, snobbish, terrible. This is the guy you meet for dinner on a blind date. He shows up with notecards outlining appropriate topics of conversation which, shockingly, are all about him and his amazing connections with the celebrities of the world. After two hours of trying not to throw pasta at his face, and as you are forced to pay your share of the bill, he asks you to marry him. Ummmm...how fast can we say no and block him on all social media sites?