Earlier today SkyMall filed for bankruptcy, setting forth events that surely signal the end of the world is near/denying us the only good and worthwhile thing to read on a plane.
Now you'll never be able to buy...
1. This UpRight Sleeper that definitely won’t kill you:
2. A portrait of your pet as 17th-century nobility:
3. A machine that makes you grow hair and doesn't make you look like an insane person:
4. A life-size hanging jungle monkey statue:
5. A watch that tells you when you're going to die:
6. A Micro Kickboard Luggage Scooter that definitely won't get your ass beat:
7. Literally, a giant fake rock:
8. A personal massager that definitely isn’t a dildo:
9. A motorized unicycle:
10. Roswell, the Alien Butler:
11. A solar-powered cooling hat that definitely won't get your ass beat:
12. Sling Couture:
13. An "I GIVE UP" pillow:
14. A pierogi ornament:
15. A clock whose only function is to let you know what day of the week it is:
16. A wrist cell phone carrier:
17. An in-home foot tanner:
18. The legendary SkyRest:
19. Some formal attire:
20. SHARKBOAT:
21. Shoes with sperm on them:
22. Something that apparently suffocates children:
23. The only shirt Bobs are allowed to wear:
24. A Star of David to put onto a Christmas tree:
25. Fernando the Chihuahua
26. A glass that holds a full bottle of wine:
27. A fake paper cup:
28. A wineglass-holder necklace that, again, totally won't get your ass beat:
And Alfred Lloyd's new album:
