1. Drunk you will stop at nothing to get your post–night out snack on.
2. Drunk you is a dick to your sober self.
3. Sometimes drunk you fucks with the contents of the fridge just because.
4. Drunk you leaves passive-aggressive notes for your roommates all the time.
5. Drunk you is a nightmare to fast-food restaurant employees.
6. Drunk you is incredibly protective of the couch.
7. Drunk you writes awful notes to the DJ – sober you would never do that.
8. Drunk you makes life for sober you incredibly confusing.
9. You're used to trying to work out what happened last night from the clues drunk you left around – but sometimes it's inexplicable.
10. Even though drunk you is an asshole, drunk you is definitely not a cat.
11. Sometimes people ask drunk you why you're laughing – you never have any idea.
My mother is drunk. I walked in to the kitchen to find her having aligned the potatoes in size order.
12. You're occasionally delighted to receive gifts from drunk you – but they're never anything useful.
13. Drunk you has the worst taste in food.
14. Drunk you leaves all the hard work for sober you to do in the morning.
15. Drunk you struggles with doors.
16. Drunk you wants sober you to get in trouble.
17. Drunk you is, quite possibly, a criminal.
18. Drunk you feels absolutely no remorse for pranking sober you.
