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We hope you love the products we recommend! Just so you know, BuzzFeed may collect a share of sales from the links on this page. Oh, and FYI — prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.”
1. A pair of socks for when you feel like you're literally being eaten alive every time you talk to relatives on the phone.
2. An uncomfortable calendar to make you feel better about your own family — or maybe you have even worse pictures idk.
3. A boyfriend body pillow that's better than the real thing, because you don't have to talk to it now or ever.
4. A wise T-shirt, because the only FOMO you've ever had is when you miss your favorite show.
5. A hoodie pillow to safely hide from social interactions whether napping or not.
6. A cute drink marker for even more incentive to stare into drinks to avoid the risk of eye contact.
7. A plush heart with the face of someone who just said "I love you" and got an "aw" back.
8. A welcoming wall hook that'll translate your thoughts when people show up unannounced.
9. A set of custom stickers to face roommates who have sticky fingers without having to say a word.
10. A shy dino for anyone whose hope to make a friend will never go extinct.
11. A relatable story about the woes of meeting strangers and then realizing dying alone doesn't sound bad at all.
12. A stress ball who emits every feeling felt when asked to do a group presentation.
13. A dramatic pen holder, because every "tell me about your weekend!" is like a stab to the heart.
14. A self-sabotaging game that'll have parents everywhere wondering where they went wrong — but that was going on before the game.
15. A pack of coasters with nose holes to *cover up* your real expression at a party, which is horror.
16. A helpful book of things to do with all your spare time now that you've officially sworn off people.
17. A majestic T-shirt that'll serve as either a conversation starter or repellent, depends on the crowd I guess.
18. An inspiring journal so you can unleash your strangest self without alarming your coworkers.
19. A sticker with an infallible pickup line that you can trust will make you a strong sensual woman.
20. A tongue brush to take staying at home with your cat to a whole new level — there's really no turning back now.
21. An icebreaker patch for when you're just trying to enter a conversation.
22. A sneaky scarf with a hidden flask, because socializing for more than two minutes calls for...a...refreshment.
23. A doge coin purse that'll join you in giving people the side eye when they ask to sit next to you on the train.
24. An honorary pin for the Queen of Awkward who did not deserve her fate. #JusticeForBarb.
25. An anxious word bubble who cringes at the thought of pillow talk.
26. A fidget spinner with lipgloss so you always have something to with your hands while pretending to listen to someone.
27. A tattletale magnet to inspire you to conquer confrontation and address the situation at hand. Suffer in silence no longer.
28. A regretful tank that knows you haven't had a good night's sleep since that time in fifth grade when you called Mrs. Rowe mom.
29. A sexy sloth who should inspire you to have more flexibility about leaving the house.
30. An honest phone case with the face of someone who texted their boss last night's photos after calling in "sick".
31. A personable suitcase cover to keep smalltalk to a minimum while waiting at baggage claim. Or really anywhere in the airport.
32. A blunt doormat with a very simple question and an even simpler solution: to leave.
33. A proud beanie for those us of us who know the grass is greener on the side with no people.
I need to go...wash..my hair...
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