1. Why is Aria dressed so fancy? She’s dropping off a casserole, not leading a board meeting.
2. Aria is like “oh, we MEANT to come get you.” Gee, thanks guys.
3. OMG is that Mary Drake in the car with Ali? Goddamn Ali what u doin?
4. How did Mary Drake just make the words “a casserole” sound so threatening?
5. “Ali needs her rest” - didn’t Ali spend the last two weeks lying down?
6. I’m not sure why Jason couldn’t take one for the team here and be Alison’s person rather than a strange, psychotic aunt no one has ever heard of.
7. Where the fuck is Jason anyway?
8. Hang on… Mary says that Rollins contacted her when she was in London.
9. YOU KNOW WHO ELSE IS IN LONDON?????!!!!!
10. Melissa and Wren! Just saying.
11. I’m not a fan of this random blonde lady Emily is suddenly into.
12. PLL writers: “Whoa hold on, it’s been like four episodes and Emily hasn’t had a proper love storyline yet, let’s fix this!!”
13. Meanwhile Emily wakes up with a full face of perfect makeup.
14. Em, is it smart to leave people who are still basically strangers in your house?
15. SURELY you’ve learned not to trust people by now.
16. Why are Aria and Ezra looking at each other like that?
17. “Are you in the middle of a thought?” Lol, yep, just one thought, Ezra.
18. Does anyone on this show have actual (logical) thoughts tho.
19. Spencer and Mona sometimes, I guess.
20. Ugh god, we really don’t care about Nicole, or her parents.
21. How is Emily already having exams? How is it the middle of the semester already????
22. Nothing like sitting in a coffee shop, talking about the guy you killed, right near some cops.
23. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: These girls are v. stupid sometimes.
24. Also, there are a LOT of different cops on this show for such a small town.
25. And they are all as useless as each other, apparently.
26. But none more useless than Toby.
27. Aria saying “I don’t know” to all of Emily’s questions is me watching this show.
28. It’s great that we’re talking about Mona a lot all of a sudden, but can we plz have a scene with her? She’s the best part of this show.
29. I’m surprised Alison can leave the house already tbh.
30. Ugh don’t start this Emison bullshit now, Alison got married, she can’t be jealous of Emily having a date.
31. “Nothing he told me was true!” Alison, why do you now sound so shocked? The guy was literally drugging you.
32. WTF is a burner apartment lmao.
33. Emily, don’t pretend now you’re great at taking action, you ain’t fooling no one.
34. Say burner apartment again though.
35. Who is that random standing suspiciously close to Ali at the atm?
36. “This account has been frozen due to insufficient funds” - Same tbh.
37. Aria, should you really be answering your boyfriend’s phone? Let it go to message.
38. NICOLE IS CALLING?! WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?!
39. (I don’t really care.)
40. Omg did Aria just say something about a ghost with an international calling plan? Lol who writes this stuff?
41. “I need to make my egg whites froth.” Heh. Yeah you do.
42. Emily: “Nicole is dead. They had a funeral for her.”
43. EMILY, you live in Rosewood. Just because a funeral happened, doesn’t mean the person is DEAD. HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW THAT BY NOW?!
44. I mean, look at your friend Alison.
45. A.D. did Emily’s exam?
46. How does A.D. have so much time to get killer marks, while also harassing five grown women.
47. Can A.D. come over here and do all the stuff that I don’t wanna do?
48. Why do these girls keep video calling each other? Who does that???
49. Like, my arm would just get tired holding my phone up.
50. “Can we day drink just a little?” Aria suddenly became my favourite Liar.
51. “Less drinking more thinking”. I think you’ve got that the wrong way around, Emily.
52. I do love that they’re getting shady anonymous texts again.
53. Emily and Sabrina are so awkward, stop this now.
54. Even Aria said it’s awkward, and according to Ezra, she only ever has one single thought at a time.
55. Yeah, so Rollins took all of Ali’s money... But surely she has some back up? Her parents were loaded.
56. Wait hang on a second. Where is Ali’s dad? When the fuck did we last see him?
57. Hang on.
58. Where are ALL the parents?
59. WHERE ARE THE WINE MOMS??????
60. Classic Spencer. Nothing like harassing your ex to help find your new boyfriend.
61. Oh look hello it’s old mate Marco from the bar.
62. I knew he looked like a cop.
63. I hope Detective Marco knows how to do his job properly, because Toby needs all the help he can get.
64. Oh man, imagine opening your door to find Jenna standing there.
65. I kinda live for the sporadic glimpses of old Alison, like her being a big ol’ bitch to Jenna.
66. Her character is so inconsistent these days.
67. LOOK AT HOW SUSPICIOUS THIS BURNER APARTMENT IS.
68. Oh no, the bed won’t open, that’s definitely a bad sign.
69. Aria, c’mon, of course it’s not a real head.
70. Everything on this show is a bloody mannequin/doll.
71. “Who has a fake head stuffed underneath their pillow?” Just when you think you’ve heard it all on this goddamn show.
72. Oh Shower Harvey, the one person on this show that literally no one asked for, is back.
73. Where the fuck has she been? When did we even last see her?
74. Was it when the girls went down the hole in her hotel room?
75. Do I even care?
76. (No.)
77. I’d even take a full scene of Lorenzo and Toby being dumb cops than watch this mess.
78. Hey, what happened to Lorenzo? Oh right, I don’t really care about that either.
79. This is honestly the worst dialogue. Are they flirting? Or are they both showing how out for revenge they are? I don’t even know.
80. How did Emily know to search Rollins’ sink?
81. How did these girls manage to find something without Spencer with them?
82. They’re really growing up, I’m almost proud.
83. Spencer is DRAGGING Hanna. Though I feel bad for poor Hanna I love the drama.
84. Can they both just forget about Caleb? I’m done with this plot now.
85. “Maybe you need to figure out why you’re wearing one guy’s ring while you still have feelings for another.” THAT SAVAGERY.
86. Spencer, you could have avoided this mess by not dating your best friend’s ex, just saying.
87. Soooo Rollins’ real name is Archer Dunhill? Which is A.D.
88. But if Rollins is A.D., how are they still getting texts from him?
89. Oh lol. Hello Toby.
90. He’s doing some real detective work for once!
91. Aaaand that lasted two seconds, he’s too stupid to realise they’re lying, terrible cop Toby at it again.
92. Omfg his reaction to them touching things was amazing.
93. He is so done with their shit. SAME.
94. Meanwhile why would they send one stupid cop to bust an apartment where a psycho could be staying???
95. Bad police protocol once again Rosewood.
96. Mary humming about sparrows is very creepy but I have no idea what this whole scene even means.
97. “We think your husband targeted you for your money” - Rosewood police, just so ahead of the game. Idiots.
98. “Elliot Rollins was last seen in Baltimore.” Dem mask-makers back at it again no doubt.
99. Alison, think of the masks! Wilden wasn’t real! Elliot isn’t real!
100. Well I mean, they’re both really dead, that’s what they have in common.
101. Or are they dead? Who knows.
102. God Emily really goes for some weirdos.
103. So like, where has Sara actually been, and will we get an answer to that anytime soon?
104. She was probably on the hunt for the world’s greatest shower.
105. Wow Aria really has a habit of ditching important things to go run off after Ezra.
106. Oh right. There’s a proposal this episode. Here we go.
107. This is not a romantic setting.
108. Candles on a kitchen bench is not romantic Ezra, I don’t care how many you put there.
109. Ugh this is such a sappy speech. We get it, you’re a writer.
110. At least it’s not as bad as Caleb last week lmao.
111. IS ARIA GONNA SAY YES?
112. I kinda love that Sara and Jenna are getting close.
113. NOTHING good can come of this which means EVERYTHING good will come of this.
114. Wait IS THAT NOEL KAHN??????
115. NOEL EFFING KAHN.
116. Honestly WAT.
117. My brain can’t even function with these three.
118. OK I’m actually excited for next week.
