1. To begin with, the Digimon protagonist wasn't a half-rat-half-toaster but A RAD DINOSAUR.
2. And when he evolves, he puts on this crazy mask and looks scary as hell.
3. And then he evolves into the cover of a power metal album, because why the hell not?
4. BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE! Ever see a pokémon evolve into one of these? I didn't think so.
5. His best friend is this dog with a sweatshirt.
6. BOOM! NOW IT'S NOT A DOG, IT'S A WOLF AND LATER A WOLF-MAN, AND LATER BACK TO A WOLF AGAIN, BUT THIS TIME MADE OF METAL. HOW YOU LIKE THAT?!
*Guitar solo*
7. Of course, there's this cat.
8. BUT NOW IT'S AN ANGEL THAT SHOOTS LASER* ARROWS.
9. Look! A hamster with wings! Adorable!
10. WELL NOW IT'S ALSO AN ANGEL!
11. What's this? A bug-type?
12. Hell nah.
13. And that's just how they all are. That's Digimon.
14. Digimon also had their own line of Tamagotchi, and even though that doesn't sound very impressive, believe me, they were cool as hell.
15. You wouldn't believe the tension you felt the moment you hooked up two of them for a battle. *Shivers*
16. And the sense of relief you'd feel after winning a hard-earned fight.
21st century, don't let us down.
We want "Digimon Go," and we want it now.