We Ate Some Of Taco Bell's Secret Menu And We Are Still Alive

Lara's thoughts: This tasted like cough syrup. If you like cough syrup, then you should drink this. But also, if you like cough syrup, seek Jesus.

Pablo's thoughts: Does anyone have Jesus's number, 'cause I actually thought this was pretty good. Sure, its cough syrup qualities are undeniable, but some things just don't need to be questioned.

Lara's thoughts: This was so. damn. good. I know some of you might be thinking, Taco Bell is disgusting. And I'm here to tell you that you're wrong. Is it good for you? No. But no one is eating Taco Bell for the nutritional value. This tasted like a Crunchwrap Supreme except BETTER, and before I ate this I didn't know it was possible to improve upon perfection.

Pablo's thoughts: I'm a Crunchwrap virgin, so this was my first, and definitely not last, time trying it. It was good, but I'm pretty sure they're always good? I didn't really taste the jalapeño sauce, but then again it takes my Mexican tongue a lot more spice to even notice.

Lara's thoughts: This was fine. I would eat it if I was high and probably enjoy it a lot. It's definitely not something I want to eat every day or admit to eating to. It was like the shittiest Mexican pizza I've ever seen, but food doesn't have to be beautiful to be delicious.

Pablo's thoughts: This looks like some next-level chingadera, but it didn't taste as tragic as it looks. I don't know what's Mexican about this, but it tasted just like their Nachos Supreme, so naturally I had to eat most of it. If you're looking for a nacho taste, however, get some damn nachos instead.

Lara's thoughts: No.

Pablo's thoughts: If you're gonna commit to the art of garbage eating, you have to be willing to fight for the underdog. Yeah, this is highly unnecessary and borderline questionable, but so are a lot of my other life decisions. I thought this was OK, and I stand by that.

Lara's thoughts: TOO MUCH BACON NOT ENOUGH CHEESE. I'm not a huge fan of bacon, so I don't want to eat an entire burrito with 99% bacon inside of it. If you like bacon, you'll probably love this, and I'll probably judge you.

Pablo's thoughts: I don't like bacon. This tasted like bacon. So you can keep your bacon mess, thanks.

Lara's thoughts: If I ever eat this again I will just take the Cool Ranch shell out and eat it by itself. Don't waste your time on the other filling. Just eat Cool Ranch Doritos and be happy with your life.

Pablo's thoughts: I couldn't really taste the Doritos part, which is unfortunate. It did, however, taste like a regular Cheesy Gordita Crunch, so in the end, my taste buds were happy, but my colon was not.