Buzz·Posted on 18 Sept 201719 Seriously Funny Tweets That Will Make You Say "Fuck That's Real""henry VIII found four more women to marry him after he cut his wife's head off and i can't get a txt back"by Remee PatelBuzzFeed StaffLinkFacebookPinterestTwitterMail 1. John Crist @johnbcrist I just texted a friend a super hilarious meme and all he did was give it a thumbs up. I've never been more angry. 12:06 AM - 26 May 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 2. Ash @adult_mom Sorry I told you we should definitely hang out sometime and then didn't answer my phone for 5 years 06:27 PM - 01 May 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 3. The Glad Stork @TheGladStork I wish horses knew that every person who drives by them says, "Oh look. Horses." 09:28 PM - 10 Mar 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 4. That Carly Girl @thatcarlygirl Me: Cancel print job. Printer: Nope. Fuck you. 04:22 AM - 13 Dec 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 5. penjamin.mp3 @upsidedowntrash [carrot slice falls on the floor] Ah well I guess it's in the trash with you [potato chip falls on the floor] YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD ESCAPE. 11:37 PM - 19 Jul 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 6. Chad Read @squirrel74wkgn You know that you're officially lost when you turn down the car radio and take off your sunglasses. 03:39 PM - 03 Sep 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 7. NOT A WOLF @SICKOFWOLVES BACK TO SCHOOL OR IF YOU ARE AN ADULT THE WHEEL CONTINUES RELENTLESSLY SPINNING LARGELY WITHOUT CHANGE 08:28 PM - 05 Sep 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 8. slaughthie @slaughthie My favorite thing about weekends is how you just feel every emotion at once until you have to go back to work 09:45 PM - 26 Aug 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 9. k e i t h 🐤🥔 @KeetPotato henry VIII found four more women to marry him after he cut his wife's head off and i can't get a txt back 03:14 PM - 06 Sep 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 10. amber ruffin @ambermruffin ***arrives to work sweaty and out of breath*** I beat her. I beat the girl who was trying to walk slightly faster than me. ***dies*** 01:07 PM - 06 Sep 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 11. oh please @ohpeetie [ new burger joint ] Me: I hear this place has the best burgers in town Waitress: Yeah, and we make our own ketchup Me: *leaves* 12:48 PM - 17 Sep 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 12. Abby Heugel @AbbyHasIssues A woman climbed Mount Everest twice in 5 days and I just spent 5 minutes trying to grab the remote with my foot from my side of the couch. 08:32 PM - 16 Sep 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 13. (((OhNoSheTwitnt))) @OhNoSheTwitnt What's everyone's favorite thing about the weekend? Mine is pretending that 2 days is a sufficient break from 5 days of work. 06:21 PM - 16 Sep 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 14. Bob Vulfov @bobvulfov me on monday: man i cant wait for the weekend so i can let loose me on friday: if i play this right, i can stay in bed until monday morning 12:20 AM - 16 Sep 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 15. Charlene deGuzman @charstarlene U ever about to go so hard on some food you need a hair tie 04:47 AM - 13 Sep 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 16. Alien Skier @ClichedOut Her: *texts something funny* Me: *types hahahahaha* *stares at it* *deletes one “ha”* 02:31 PM - 14 Sep 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 17. merritt k @merrittk me in 2042: 30 years ago? you mean the 1970s? 06:29 PM - 16 Sep 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 18. Marley Alexis Lacey @marleylaceyx why is my stomach so flat in the mornings until i eat a crumb and i'm suddenly 8 months pregnant with twins 10:48 AM - 20 Jul 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 19. Kent Graham @KentWGraham I hate when I’m running on the treadmill for half an hour and look down to see it’s been 4 minutes. 08:54 AM - 30 Mar 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite