Parents·Posted on 9 Jan 201721 Tweets About Having Kids That Are Funny Because They're True"My son just asked me if cats can have babies when they get married and I told him yes, but I honestly don't know."by Remee PatelBuzzFeed StaffLinkFacebookPinterestTwitterMail 1. Meh Lang Syne @TheAlexNevil 2017 Resolution: spend more quality time with my son *son begins describing his 500 new Pokémon cards* Well, there's always next year 03:01 PM - 04 Jan 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 2. Lurkin' Mom @LurkAtHomeMom My 4 year old spilled water on his bathing suit, so he can't go in the pool until he changes and this is why vodka is a thing. 12:51 PM - 16 Aug 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 3. 4. Ramblin' Mama @ramblinma Parents: "If only there were a manual for this." Also parents: "How dare you tell me how to raise my kids, you piece of shit." 04:53 PM - 01 Jan 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 5. Josh @iwearaonesie wife: Let's fool around after the kids go to bed narrator: But they never did fool around 03:10 PM - 02 Jan 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 6. Rodney Lacroix @moooooog35 I'm coaching my son's soccer team because it's important that he knows I'll swear at other kids, too. 06:19 PM - 13 Apr 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 7. Ashley Austrew @ashleyaustrew "I want a snack." - my kids, while they're eating 08:44 PM - 25 Apr 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 8. Andy H. @AndyAsAdjective my 10yr old is doing laundry & I'm truly proud of her but also on the verge of a panic attack because she's folding my shirts the wrong way 01:25 PM - 02 Jan 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 9. Amy Flory @FunnyIsFamily "I just think it's weird that you have so much white hair. That's kind of a grandma thing." -7yo, and current least favorite child 04:54 PM - 29 Jun 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 10. EricaTriesToTweet @SteussieErica Parenting: 1st kid: Document their every move 2nd kid: forget to pick them up 99% of the time 01:29 AM - 10 Jun 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 11. James Breakwell @XplodingUnicorn Someone drew doughnuts on the bottom of the grocery list My wife thought it was cute so she bought them She doesn… https://t.co/iD8DluKsO2 11:37 PM - 05 Dec 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 12. Lurkin' Mom @LurkAtHomeMom IF YOU KIDS DON'T COME BACK TO THIS TABLE AND FINISH YOUR LUNCH RIGHT NOW, I SWEAR I WILL SIGH HEAVILY, EAT IT MYSELF AND GAIN 3 POUNDS. 05:16 PM - 21 May 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 13. Elizabeth @Elizasoul80 My son just asked me if cats can have babies when they aren't married and I told him yes, but I honestly don't know. 12:19 AM - 01 Mar 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 14. Domestic Goddess @DomesticGoddss My kids wanted a karaoke machine for Christmas-little did I know it would be for yelling in the mic "CAN WE HAVE A SNACK" when I'm upstairs. 02:37 AM - 27 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 15. Kalvin @KalvinMacleod [building a snowman with my kids] Me: Ok, who wants to put the arms in? Kids: *went inside 2 hours ago to play video games* 07:11 PM - 02 Feb 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 16. Robert Knop @FatherWithTwins 7yo: Daddy, have some pee juice! *throws cup full of liquid at me Me: 7yo: Me: 7yo: It wasn't really pee Me: Thank you 04:38 PM - 22 Oct 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 17. 18. Mommy Cusses @mommy_cusses A parenting rite of passage is getting caught throwing away Happy Meal toys as they sing from their grave bc you didn't turn the sound off. 03:13 PM - 15 Oct 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 19. Sara Says Stop @PetrickSara Me: Ok, who got Oreo filling on the couch? Husband: 4: 7: Me: Well... 7: It really could have been any of us. 4: (licks couch) 06:21 PM - 21 Mar 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 20. Amy Dillon @amydillon Not sure if I should be more concerned about the son who locked me out of my bedroom today, or the one who showed me how to pick the lock. 12:25 AM - 16 Aug 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 21. James Breakwell @XplodingUnicorn Why I should accomplish all my goals today: 1) I'm motivated. 2) I'm ambitious. 3) I planned ahead. Why I won’t: 1) Kids 01:48 PM - 08 Jan 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite