1.
When they made perfectly good smoked salmon taste like a fucking WELL DRINK:
2.
When they ruined breakfast for you forever:
3.
The time they desecrated guacamole with kale:
4.
And then decided to take it a step further by putting POMEGRANATE SEEDS in it:
5.
When they tried to make ornamental kale happen:
6.
When they sold limited edition strawberries like some sort of rare book collection:
7.
[Defamatory statement redacted for legal reasons.]
8.
When (1) they sold water in cartons and (2) developed a superiority complex about it:
9.
And when you needed to have a Ph.D. in chemistry to figure out the tap water options:
10.
The time they made a turkey look like a big ol' dick with some big ol' balls:
12.
When they tried to make jerky fancy by making it taste like chardonnay but seriously what sort of fancy person eats chardonnay thyme turkey jerky?!
13.
When they sold ORGANIC PUMPKIN DOG FOOD (just let that sink in):
14.
When they scared the shit out of all the little hipster children:
15.
The time they sold AIR for $69 (nice):
16.
And, finally, when they scoffed at the thought plebeians drinking cow milk:
