1. There is honestly like nothing in my fridge at the moment.
2. I barely know what to get myself at the grocery store, I don't know what the fuck a baby needs.
3. My apartment is not properly furnished for a baby.
This is the gaming room in our new apartment, rate my setup
Babies need furniture and stuff.
4. I'm barely getting over the anxiety of making my own appointments, I can't make one for a child.
5. I can't depend on Google for everything.
*Googles* Will you plz change this diaper for me?
6. I crack way too many jokes and I honestly don't know where to draw the line with children.
It's just better to not have one, for me.
7. I don't think I'm patient enough to deal with a child.
Wife: "How's your day going?" Me:
It's gonna be a no from me, dawg.
8. Is there such thing as parental control when you're the parent?!
Me as a parent
I only know the explicit versions of songs.
9. I am WAY too emotional to deal with a baby.
10. I can barely do my own hair, I can not do a child's hair. I can't fuck them up like that.
My mom was told to give me a half up half down hairstyle. She didnt know what that meant so she did this..
Pinterest is NOT helpful, YouTube is NOT helpful, Google is Not helpful.
11. I go to the movies WAYYYY too much to have a child, and I am not about to be that person with a baby.
When you're at the movies and someone brings in a crying baby
And I'll be damned if I'm gonna pay someone to watch a baby while I'm watching a movie - TOO MUCH MONEY SPENT.
12. I might have not done my laundry in like a week or two, this is DEFINITELY not going to work out.
13. I once killed a goldfish because I didn't know you had to filter the water...WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO A CHILD?!
14. I can't even take care of a Sims baby, how can I take care of a real one?!
"OMG, my baby is on fire! I need to tweet this!"
There's no MOTHERLODE in real life.
15. In the end, I honestly think I'm just way too petty to be a parent.
Sorry, not sorry.
Shoutout to all the parents out there, keep doin' ya thang.
I'm gonna be over here, doin' my thang...without a baby.
