Buzz·Posted on Feb 8, 2019It's Miserable Outside, So Here Are 24 Tweets That Will At Least Make You LaughThe weather outside is frightful, but Twitter is so delightful.by Kat AngusBuzzFeed StaffLinkFacebookPinterestTwitterMail 1. 2. Hozay Montana @Hozay__ Seal? I haven't heard that name in years 02:26 AM - 05 Feb 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 3. Sophie Scruggs @SophieAScruggs My friend works at an ortho lab where patients can design their own retainers.... 09:39 PM - 31 Jan 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 4. #1 Rachel @rachel what a helpful recipe commenter 02:34 PM - 03 Feb 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 5. Jon @ArfMeasures Therapist: What's wrong? Me: If I do the Borat voice once more, I'll be getting a divorce Therapist: And who told you that? Me: *tearfully clears throat* 12:27 PM - 30 Apr 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 6. ✧・゚heathbar ✧・゚ @HeatherLMaree some of u still don't eat the crust on ur pizza like absolute fucking cowards. it's just bread. are u a toddler? does ur mommy tuck u in? eat the crust stupid baby 08:09 PM - 02 Feb 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 7. Ally @TragicAllyHere I am not a good hugger. Tonight a friend hugged me and I dropped some crackers I was holding and just gently said “my crackers” while waiting for the hug to end 06:25 AM - 27 Jan 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 8. erin chack @ErinChack whenever i eat a brownie i just pretend it’s half of an even bigger brownie. look at me, only eating half a brownie. health goddess. wellness queen. walking chickpea. 09:13 PM - 22 Jan 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 9. Chelsea Fagan @Chelsea_Fagan the other day a bartender told me his high school did a performance of RENT where they couldn't say AIDS so all the characters had diabetes 07:34 PM - 06 Oct 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 10. iris @irispompeii some earrings i ordered on aliexpress never arrived and they asked for photo evidence??? 02:45 PM - 27 Jan 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 11. vicky johnson @hurricanevicky let's call the whole thing off 03:03 PM - 27 Jan 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 12. MehGyver @AndrewNadeau0 Remember in 1997 when Brad Pitt was just minding his own business and Shania Twain dropped a fucking country diss track about how he doesn’t impress her? 03:22 AM - 31 Jan 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 13. Floyd @dafloydsta [first date] HER: I'm really into philosophy. ME: [trying to impress] I don't even exist. 04:32 PM - 04 Feb 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 14. Fiona Zublin @bear_foot me, to plumber: I'm so sorry about the cat, he thinks everyone is his best friend plumber: it's okay, I'm used to people's cats. ::two minutes later, from the other room:: plumber: mister smitten, you are a born plumber; after this we will get a nice sandwich. 12:44 PM - 01 Feb 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 15. Fae Brown @99Febro Mercutio, dying, yelling at both Tybalt and Romeo: Both your houses are fucking canceled 04:33 PM - 02 Feb 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 16. MehGyver @AndrewNadeau0 KID: Mr. Owl, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? ENDANGERED NORTHERN SPOTTED OWL: You cannot possibly think this is a priority for me. 04:42 PM - 29 Jan 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 17. A CUP OF FLOWER DO YOU GET IT @TheRyanDillon I’m at an amateur wrestling event and there was a title match where they tried to throw a wrestler through a table but the table wouldn’t break so after three tries they GAVE THE TABLE THE BELT. Everyone’s chanting “TABLE! TABLE! TABLE!” and I’ve never felt more alive in my life. 10:00 PM - 27 Jan 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 18. Rave Sashayed @_sashayed ok seriously, u wanna know what brought real tears to my eyes this morning? it's this statue, which is 15 THOUSAND years old. an unthinkably long time ago somebody saw a bison licking his shoulder & was like “lol cute. look at him go. i’m gonna make a little statue about it” 04:14 PM - 25 Jan 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 19. slick @dlicj my neighbor just told me about an alien sighting he had that was just a regular southwest boeing 737 in the sky but he said he could see into the cockpit with binoculars and there was an alien flying it 06:04 PM - 19 Dec 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 20. Gina @ginadivittorio My friend just ended a relationship and is having doubts saying things like, “But where am I going to find another guy as obsessed with Star Wars and dogs as me?” And I’m trying so hard to be sympathetic but like, girl, anywhere. 11:27 PM - 26 Dec 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 21. andrew @AndrewChamings In this tweet I’m an owl barber (tweet is already funny) and when I’m done trimming the owl I hold up a mirror behind owl’s head and he just slowly turns his head 180 degrees to face me and says “I fuckin love it” 06:21 PM - 28 Dec 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 22. your own personal jesus @Kappa_Kappa me reading a scientific study: hmmm i am skeptical of this me finding a folded potato chip in the bag: ohhh time to make a wish 04:39 PM - 28 Dec 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 23. Conor Sullivan @conortheconor This is my favorite band break-up notice ever. 11:03 PM - 26 Nov 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 24. Cat Damon @CornOnTheGoblin [my mom pretends to answer her phone] hello? oh hi Batman...i dunno if he's eating his vegetables or not me: [mouth full of broccoli] i am! 03:47 PM - 12 Sep 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite