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    14 Things Only People Who Hate Kids Will Understand, No Offense

    Like, no offense to kids.

    1. First off, kids' hands are always ~mysteriously sticky~ and covered in slobber, and I'm sorry, but it's gross!!!!!!!

    when a baby offers you a cheeto puff

    2. They have absolutely no respect for alone time. At all.

    3. Having to sleep in the presence of a creepy-crawly — aka a toddler — is your *LITERAL* nightmare!!!!!!!!!

    Mom life: Is this how your nights go? 📹 https://t.co/MsXQgKUEuz

    4. As is THIS.

    Dear girlfriends and wives, pls hang ur wigs where the kids can't reach.... I nearly collapsed last night in my own house.....I thought it was Amardiorha

    5. Also, kids aren't so great at grasping concepts. Like, come on, guys.

    Let’s slander toddlers for a bit. They’re hide & seek skills are trash. They hide in the most obvious places, with their big ass heads sticking out talmbout “you can’t find me”...

    6. And they can't read a room and always have to make everything about them!!!

    I hate when i’m trying to blow out birthday candles and little kids try to do it with me excuse u it’s not ur birthday so take a step back

    7. You're honestly surprised so many places don't allow dogs but DO allow kids.

    8. You really mean it when you say you don't want to hold someone's baby. Like, really.

    *someone hands me a baby* Oh... no thank you *places baby on the ground*

    9. Our priorities are just...different.

    sorry i cannot hold your baby i am not confident i would save it over my phone if i dropped them both

    10. "Fuck them kids" has basically become your mantra for living your best life. 💁

    This random girl commented on my photo and basically said I shouldn’t post pictures like that since there’s kids on Instagram and I replied and said “ fuck them kids “ lmao

    11. You refuse to believe you were ever a *shudders* child yourself.

    "I hate kids" "But you were a kid once"

    12. You want "Children are the best birth control" printed on a motivational poster.

    13. Children = varmint. No offense!!!

    14. And lastly, instead of telling people you don't want kids, you should just start saying this.

    Telling people “I don’t want kids”: -“You’ll change your mind one day” -“When you meet the right person...” -“You don’t understand, you’re not a parent” Telling people “My bloodline ends with me” -Dramatic -Your bloodline feels sacred and mystical -Vaguely threatening