A few days ago, Reddit user SaltyBunCrack asked lawyers on Reddit to share times they witnessed "Oh, now you fucked up" moments.
The responses were entertaining as hell to read — from people getting caught setting up wet leaves to make it look like they fell to defendants dumbly answering "I won't do it again" while claiming innocence.
I asked lawyers/people to share similar scenarios. Here's what they said:
These fake "nose-dives":
"I was a manager at a retail store in the LA area and we had several 'I fell in your store due to negligence of keeping walkways clear, and I fell and broke my nose and now I need to work with a plastic surgeon to fix it.' Every single time, we saw it was a grift on security footage and nothing ever turned into a real lawsuit.
My favorite was two women clearly scoping out an area, checking over their shoulders to see where my floor staff was, and then one of them 'slipping' on their face without using their hands to cushion the fall (a natural reaction in a legitimate fall). The friend looked right at the camera, then instead of helping her friend, called the cops before flagging anyone in the store for help." — Can_I_Haz_It
And this fake faller:
"We had a woman come to us saying that she slipped and fell outside of a nail salon because they hadn't swept up the wet leaves outside the door. We take the case and then get a call from opposing counsel saying he's going to send us something important. We open it, pop the disc in the computer, and right there is security cam footage of our client picking up the wet leaves, putting them on the sidewalk, and sitting down on them before calling for help." —EducatedOwlAthena
This shoplifter:
"First offense shoplifting charge. They tell the judge, 'I don’t know why I’m being charged with this. I didn’t shoplift! All I did was take the price tag from one mascara and put it on another mascara! I didn’t steal.'" — kathleens467871b89
This dining deception:
"Man pulls a shard of glass out of his mouth and demands compensation because his glass broke and came off in his mouth. The catch? There was absolutely nothing in the restaurant that was made of glass." — imgonnastartarevolution
This lawyer mess-up:
"Once we had an attorney for a company that had to be a witness. We prepared him for weeks. Number one key is to ONLY answer the question asked. He gets on the stand and starts to ramble and ramble, saying all kinds of things he should not have. It’s true, lawyers make bad witnesses. They just can’t shut up." — gaylaj
This blunt defendant:
"A judge was asking a defendant if he was selling the drugs or if they were for personal use and the defendant proceeded to say that it was for personal use." — shi4879b4f80
And this blunt-lover:
"My neighbor was going to the courthouse to visit his probation officer. When he went through the metal detector, he had to empty his pockets. His pocket contained a bag of weed." — bonzo11260
This nasty neighbor:
"My mom was sued by her next door neighbor, who was a serial vexatious litigant, because when refurbishing our house, she demolished an old, crumbling, dangerously unstable wall out back which was 100% ours but the neighbor claimed was theirs. When our lawyer was cross-examining the neighbor, he went down the reverse psychology route and said, 'Oh, and one last thing — did you at any time make any alterations or use that wall in any way?' The guy said emphatically, 'No, I did not!' to which the solicitor said 'Well, why not, if you believed it to be yours?' There was a long silence before the judge ruled in Mum's favor and ordered the neighbor to pay all costs of the hearing." — emmak26
This bad answerer:
"Custody dispute. Dad's attorney grilled mom for about 20 minutes on texts she had sent claiming to sell her prescriptions. She wouldn't admit it. Dad's attorney moved on and eventually ended with, 'One more question. Where did you get the pills you were selling?' Mom responds without thinking, 'Oh, my doctor prescribed them.'" —quelindolio
And lastly, this mom. Like, WOW:
"My friend is a Guardian Ad Litem in child protection court. She gets a case where the mother was charged for endangerment because she left her kids in a hot car in the summer. Kids were in the car over 30 minutes in 90-degree heat and nearly died. Police broke the window, got them out, and rushed them to the hospital. Mom goes to court and is assigned a public defender. First day in court, PD is talking to her and my friend is reviewing the case file, since the kids are her clients. Sheriff's deputy comes into the courtroom. 'Anybody in here drive a black Toyota?' Mom: 'I do!' Sheriff: 'License plate number (whatever it was).' Mom: 'Yup!' Sheriff: 'Um, you left your kids in it.' The women left her kids in a hot car at her court date for leaving the kids in a hot car." — lawyerlady
