10 Valuable Things I Took Away From Vex King's "Good Vibes, Good Life"

Let's talk about self-love, because I feel like that term's majorly thrown around nowadays. I'll be honest, I always thought self-love just meant really really liking yourself. King explains how there are two aspects to self-love: mindset and action. Accepting and loving yourself and your mindset, but also knowing when you need to actively seek more for yourself. Admittedly, reading it made me question whether I was practicing self-love or just thought I was. I realised that I had to start making decisions based on what I needed out of respect for myself, rather than what I wanted (which is harder than it sounds). When things come up I now make a habit of asking myself, "is this a matter of acceptance, or am I worthy of better?" – which helps me to make sure I'm always practicing the true meaning of self-love. 

Getting my head around this concept was an absolute game changer for me. Everyone goes on about positive thinking, but King explains how it can work by talking about the Law of Attraction. This is the concept that what you think and put your energy towards, is what you receive (within reason). I know it sounds far fetched (I was skeptical at first too), but once I properly understood it and started consciously thinking about it, it made a huge difference. Before putting emphasis on something negative I now consciously change my thought process to try and find the silver lining. Either that, or I start to think about something that's positive in my life and focus my energy towards that instead. Not only has it gotten me into the habit of thinking more positively overall, but I've also noticed that more positive things started coming into my life, because that's what I I'd been focusing my attention on – the good.

When I'm not feeling too great I never want to be around people that are feeling a lot happier than I am. Although there's a sense of comfort in being around people that aren't feeling too great either, since I started doing the opposite I realised how true the saying is that "energy is contagious". Don't get me wrong, at first being with happy people when I was unhappy felt like the last place I wanted to be, but once I settled in I noticed my mood naturally seemed to improve (even if it was just by a little bit – progress is still progress). In short I've found that you are really affected by the energy surrounding you – so if you're in a bad mood why would you want to make it worse by being around other bad moods? 

If I could scream this one, I would. I've actually noticed myself forgetting about this one lately, and I've really seen the difference in how it's made me feel. As a chronic overthinker I found that practicing mindfulness by putting all of my energy into the present moment really helped my anxiety and overall mindset. Whenever I feel like I'm losing myself to my mind, it's often because I'm either panicking about something to do with the future or I'm holding on to something from the past – both of which leave me in a bad mental state. There are lots of ways to bring yourself back to the present, and sometimes all it takes are a few deep breaths. Focus on every inhale and exhale whilst making yourself aware of your senses. Stop and ask yourself, "what can I smell?". It tunes you back into the present so that you can focus your mental energy on the here and now. Sure it took me a while to form the habit, but over time I really noticed the value in it. 

This one can be a difficult pill to swallow, but looking at your own behaviour and noticing habits that aren't in your favour is something I find so valuable. I love journalling, so I decided to start making lists of bad habits I catch myself doing. It made me start thinking about how I'm going to tackle each one, which immediately made me feel more positive. It can be hard at first of course, but if I'm being honest – it works wonders for me. 

We all know the voice I'm talking about and let's be honest, it often translates to being our biggest critic. I know it doesn't always feel like you have control over it, but over time you can start to form a habit of counteracting the voice and drowning it out with a louder, more positive one. When I notice my inner critic coming out I challenge the thoughts and respond to them with uplifting, encouraging ones instead. It may not always feel like a big deal to criticise yourself every now and then, but If you think about it – how can we expect others to treat us with respect if the voice inside our own head puts us down? 

Growing up I felt like it was always taught to us that you forgive people for their sake rather than your own. King explains in the book that when you haven't forgiven someone, you allow them to have control over you and your emotions – whether you realise it or not. In the past there's been times where I thought a situation no longer had control over me (in fact I would have sworn that it didn't). It's only when I did the work I needed to genuinely forgive that I truly understood what King meant, because I was able to see such a clear difference in myself. We all know how difficult forgiveness can be, but as hard as it is – the feeling after is so liberating. 

Like a lot of people I've never been a fan of change, but once I started making more of a conscious effort to switch things up and challenge myself, I noticed so many positive changes. A good place to start is to make a list of all the things that you fear, but know could lead to positive changes if you were able to surpass them. It could be anything from a fear of heights, to a fear of speaking about your feelings to someone close to you. After writing them down you can start to think of ways you may be able to challenge them. Of course it can be a little uncomfortable at times to leave that bubble you've created for yourself, but trust me it's worth it. 

I am so guilty of this one. I'm going to say that again because I don't think I emphasised it enough – I am so so guilty of this. Being a perfectionist, I'm always so fixated on the outcome of something that I feel the need to control everything. In doing so I end up having moments where I have more fear than faith. I find myself applying so much pressure to something to get the outcome I want, that it ends up not happening. It's like that quote, "If you chase it, it moves further away". Finding a way to let go of that control is difficult, but something that's helped me is to remind myself to find beauty in the journey. I tell myself that it's not about the destination but how you get there, which has really helped me to shift the way I look at something. Mastering the whole "trust the process" thing feels like a full-time job, but a life-changing one without a doubt.

I feel like it's always been drilled into me to chase the next best thing. The better test grade, the better job, the better life. I got caught up in that pattern, expecting that once I got that "better" thing, I would be happy. I found myself saying, "if I get that job I'll be so happy", or "when I finish this, I'll be so happy". Looking back now, I realise how true it is that you need to find happiness where you are right now because if it's something you chase, you'll never end up finding it. King reminds us that happiness is something that comes from inside of us, so if you think about it – how can we chase it? The biggest thing that helps me do this is to write gratitude lists. Each night I write five things that I'm grateful for. Things as simple as, "I'm grateful that I was able to eat a hot meal today". You'll notice that as you continue to do this you'll always find something to appreciate, which can naturally put you in a happier state of mind – regardless of whether you have that "better" job or not.