1.
if your dog is over 8 years old (56 in dog years) then your dog is a boomer, sorry
2.
Exactly why men ain’t shit
3.
Since I only have 180 followers I feel comfortable presenting this video to you all. You’re welcome
4.
They found her old tweets
5.
my mom when she sees one spoon in the sink
6.
When I'm bored I go around putting these stickers on paper towel dispensers
7.
I can NOT believe my mom just vibe checked my aunt
8.
when your airpods are about to die
9.
Teacher: How did you solve this problem without showing your work ? me:
10.
i had a dream last night i published a poetry chapbook. woke up from the dream in the middle of the night to write down the only coherent poem i remembered, thinking it was pure gold
11.
u know da fkn vibes
12.
me as a lawyer: but your honor 🥺🥺🥺 🥺🥺🥺 🥺🥺🥺🥺 🥺🥺🥺🥺 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 🥺🥺🥺🥺 🥺🥺🥺 🥺🥺
13.
my morning coffee walking through my digestive system to confront my butthole
14.
when you're telling your parents a story and you almost snitch on yourself https://t.co/gBbCairc2O
15.
Took my kids to Chuck E Cheese yesterday. A lot of tension in the band.
16.
Me and my friends before doing something really stupid
17.
When i see 50 missed calls from my mum Me:
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me: *roasts him all day* him: that’s why yo head big af me:
19.
I hate the internet sometimes lmaooo
20.
When you tell a joke in a groupchat and the “LMFAOOO” start coming in https://t.co/Hviek3P7b0
21.
Me: *texts my friend at 3:00am* My friend: *responds* Me: ok but what the FUCK are you doing awake so late you need your rest
22.
my body: *gives me signals to sleep the whole entire day* me: *goes to bed* my body: https://t.co/56RpHRcGC5
23.
me at my friends after i beg them to drive me to the guys house that ghosted me for 4 months but randomly hit me up saying come over even tho i told them i was over him
24.
I lost it when he licked his hand